reflecting on dare grazie and la mia famiglia and some other things like that
well, looks like this blog was a pretty dismal failure considering i've only written a handful of times since the end of august. it was mostly a combination of not enough time or internet to write anything and i mean, you really have to be in the mood for that sort of thing otherwise it won't be any good. i think i'm in the mood now. it's 1:39 am which means 12:39 in london, where I spent the weekend, and 7:39 at home.
so for the past two? three? weeks, i've been having recurring fits of existential discomfort and it takes me ages to fall asleep at night. whenever i think of my life it seems like there's been too much in it for me to keep it all in my head. I think it's a function of being close enough that I can see the end out in front of me and I can see how long it'll take me to get there, but it's not too close - still, everything I do, I do it while I'm looking ahead because where else am I supposed to look? It's hard to stay in this temporal place and impossible to stay in this physical place for much longer, no matter how balmy the air is. It was freezing in london this weekend but I had the greatest time seeing 5 of my nearest and dearest after months of separation. like a week or two ago, Jess and I climbed the hill behind the residence medaglie d'oro (is it one of rome's 7, greg smith?) with panini and beers and just exchanged all of the stuff that we were thinking about. Mostly we talk about becoming grown ups, that's mostly what I think about anyway, and she said that growing up means always missing somebody. This semester has taught me a lot about managing separation. on thanksgiving we had chicken, stuffing, corn and potatoes at matt and christine's flat. this weekend was as much a thanksgiving weekend as any other one I've ever had. I got to spend it with a lot of my school family. some of them I'm going to be living with when I come home. some of them knew me back when we still had to have our parents drive us around. I miss the rest of my school family and I have ever since I came here. when I get home, I am going to miss my new friends. when I get back to school, I am going to miss my home friends and my family. But all of these things are natural and good.
I think i'm mostly just learning that i can do everything that I want to do.
except, evidently, mail the postcards that i promised i would mail. i wrote most of them at least. this weekend i did a bad and condescending old lady british accent pretty constantly when I was in london. brutta figura, certo. i also almost died laughing like a hundred times and i love i miei amici more than i could ever say. so thanks for that and that rome feels extra warm now and the euro feels extra affordable now and i'm almost done my soc paper and i still have almost two whole weeks here. if i got to go to rome for almost two whole weeks for vacation i would be super excited. so this is all very good.
